SO! The Gawler retreat was much more than I could have ever anticipated. To be honest in the days leading up to going I was feeling a little anxious. It felt as though I was about to go to rehab, and I guess in some ways it was like rehab, for my mind, body and soul, in a very loving, nurturing and supportive environment. It took a few days to settle in, and initially I found it very confronting talking about cancer every day. At home I can distract myself or at least have days off - me time.

At the retreat we were on a fairly full on schedule that started at 7am every morning. Anyone that knows me knows that I am not a morning person, yet there we were all full of warm lemon water and ready to meditate by 7:45am each day. Our days usually came to a close around 8pm. We were very fortunate to be surrounded by stunning scenery - trees, gardens, bunnies, kangaroos and lush forest to explore. The meditation sanctuary overlooked the edge of the forest, with windows all the way around, so you could not help but feel at ease when you sat there. Although I have done some meditation in my life and often do guided meditations on the Chopra website I found this new style of meditating, without music or being guided a little challenging at first… mindfulness meditation is what we learnt and I am so grateful for it now. We meditated 3 times per day, between meals and sessions and i have continued this upon my return home.

The food there was really yummy and vegan! I never knew you could create such yumminess without salt, sugar or many of the fatty goodness you find in food such as cheese (even minus goats cheese). So we were pretty much detoxing and I must admit it was difficult going without salt, but now I’m used to it and my body will be better off without it in the longrun. The basic principles with the diet they recommend is to create a “cancer unfriendly” body. I love the sound of this! We had many sessions around health and nutrition that informed us why eating certain foods is great for us, especially those of us with active cancer. It’s not too far a stretch from the alkaline diet I have been on since last June, so it hasn’t been too hard to adjust.

We did a lot of work around releasing hurt, forgiveness and the like. I found these sessions really beneficial. I released a lot of anger and sadness and although I still have some work to do in this area a lot of it was left behind there. The day after we did the big work in forgiveness I woke up without the sore upper back and neck that I usually have. I was so happy that day, everyone was commenting on how vibrant I was. We also did a little looking into laughter as medicine. I’ve always felt this to be of truth in my life, and so it was nice to do laughing exercises with my fellow retreat mates. One of the  leaders there is friends with the Patch Adams! It’s encouraged me to look into clowning :) I’m still looking for a good course, so stay tuned. I already have my red nose, haha. The kids in the neighbourhood are up for a laugh at least.

That brings me to my plans for this year. I realised when I was there that this healing business, this getting well business is going to take much more focus than I’ve recently been giving it. I need to focus 100% on me, my health and completely getting rid of the cancer in my body. It’s no longer welcome, it needs to know that and I’m going to be doing everything I can to get to a place of complete health again. Anyone who knows me also knows that when I am set a challenge I take it on with everything that I have. I’m stubborn by nature and so the doctors being so grim with their prognosis and outlook of my condition only encourages me to prove them wrong. I will not be one of their statistics. I refuse to be. And so I will not be as social as I usually am. I will not be drinking at all and do not want to be in any environment where I may be tempted. I will not eat bbq meals, I do not want to go out drinking and dancing (well a part of me does, but it’s not cohesive to this new way of life), I won’t even be drinking coffee, so I will have to say no to most invitations and will most likely disappoint some of my loved ones. But I do hope that my true friends understand my current situation and do not take it personally that I am not around as much as usual. I can’t say how long this will take, but I hope that my friends will support my new lifestyle and be there when I’m on top of my game again.

And so I have decided that it is in my best interests not to study this year. I want to do everything and I want to do it now, but the reality is that I can’t at this time in my life and I need my health to be my number one priority. I am sad to have withdrawn from the course, but know that I can study some more when I am well again. Like a survivor who came to speak to us said to me, “You can’t study when you’re dead” - blunt, but true. I will get well again and then I will kick even more of my life’s goals.

For now I plan to begin the reversal of my disease. My body and mind created it and so I will get rid of it; it’s not rocket science. My cancer is the result of a number of unhealthy ways of living that I had gotten used to - my diet, whilst it was not ever terrible was not always the best, I liked to party, drink, smoke… all bad and yes many young people lead this life, but that accompanied with my inability to address past traumas and issues, my emotions, all led my body to give in, give me a true wake up call. When I was at the retreat I recalled an update I wrote on FB in the middle of 2010. I wrote “something’s gotta give” and well, it did. I was very unhappy, maybe even depressed, for some time in London and there were times when I was very low. I had lost my lust for life and I think my body was only following my minds lead to an extent. There may also be some genetic factors at play, but all of these factors together have resulted in my current situation. And so I’m going to undo as much of it as humanly possible.

I will be upping my visits to the people and places that support me on this healing journey. I will be doing yoga, reiki, Qigong weekly. Seeing my naturopath on a more regular basis, going for more walks, juicing more and attending a cancer support group once a week also. This is my full time job now, so when you wonder what I do every day, as many people ask (I think some people must think i sit on my bum and watch movies all day - this is not the reality), you can think of me either meditating, eating organic wholefoods, juicing or attending one of my appointments or classes ;) I’m also going to help Katie out in our vegie patch :) good food is one of my best medicines going forward.

It was an honour to listen to Dr Ruth Gawler speak to us on one of the final days of the retreat. She is a very wise and empowering woman and she has inspired me to be the driver of my health, the one in charge. She highlighted that becoming well again is like slowing down a fast moving steam train, like running a marathon, it’s going to take some time. It could take me one or two years before I’m seeing real results, until I can see the tumours disappearing, so I can’t falter, I must not give in and I won’t. I have too much to do in this lifetime, too many people whom I love to leave just yet.

The retreat gave me such a sense of purpose, hope, calm and determination that I would have otherwise not have had. To anyone who is reading this who has active cancer I would very highly recommend going.

I met so many amazing and kind souls there too. I shared a room with three beautiful women, with whom I laughed and cried, hugged and meditated, danced and walked with. They were very supportive of me, being one of the youngest there. I learnt a lot from the instructors too. They were very informative, extremely gentle and kindly real. I was also fortunate to get a shiatsu massage with a woman who could only be described as an angel. She is other-worldly and I intend to see her again in the near future. She understood me right away and I could feel the energy work she was doing with me instantly. 

One cool thing I did learn there is to actually see chi in the air. If you want to know how let me know next time we are together and I will show you ;)

I want to thank, once again, everyone and anyone who had any part in my attending the retreat. I strongly believe that it has most probably saved my life. I feel happier, more alive and ready to take on whatever comes my way. 

Let the healing begin…..

NAMASTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This just came onto the radio.. I guess life is more complicated, but at it’s purest source love is all you do need, emotionally and energy wise anyway. This song by the Beatles was played at my friend Adam’s funeral on Friday morning. He was a great man and will be missed dearly. 

I only met him a handful of times and only at hospital where we were both being treated and I’m sad that I didn’t get a chance to catch up with him some more, but also very thankful we met at all. He was a real fighter, a really beautiful soul, just one of those people who would get along with everyone, ya know? He was a good egg. A loving husband and dad. And he made an impression on me.

I learnt more about him on Friday. That we shared a love for the Fitzroy Lions ;) (pffft to Brisbane!!) and a few other things that would have been great to chat about… in the real world outside of the hospital walls.

Adam taught me a few things. To keep fighting, do all that I can to beat this horrible disease… give it everything you’ve got! He never complained and was a role model for everyone he came into contact with, I’m sure.

His passing has effected me more than I thought it would. Maybe because the last time I saw him he looked well.. . He was still smiling, young and vibrant. It’s just not fair, but I should not say that… Adam taught me not to whinge and I have to stop doing that. I am lucky to still be around, I know that. I have to embrace every single day. I have to look after myself better and cherish moments with my loved ones. I guess everyone should, but when you’re ill you think about these things a lot more. 

Although I do intend to hang around this planet, Earth for a bit longer yet, I know that when I eventually step through this door into the next realm Adam will be there holding out some KFC chips and we will dance to the Beatles and laugh about how we no longer have to wear the stupid bags… We will fly over a Lions match and finally eat that woodfired pizza together.

Adam Wild, we didn’t know eachother very well, but I’m going to miss you. You are one of the best souls I’ve ever met and I know your spirit will live on in your beautiful wife, children, family and friends.

Three artists from the Diamond Valley Art Society have generously donated an original painting each to help raise money for me to attend the Gawler retreat at the end of Feb. I can’t express how thankful I am.

I have a few weeks to raise approximately $2000. The 10 day retreat is cancer specific & will greatly assist me to not only take a healing break, but to also learn a lot about nutrition, meditation, alternative therapies & other important elements that are vital on the cancer journey.  Having stage 4 cancer is scary - there is no stage 5, as the amazing Kris Carr states. I feel like now is the right & best time for me to attend this retreat & that it will benefit me greatly. I don’t like asking for help usually, but I feel like I need to at this point in my life. I’m fighting my biggest battle yet & I’m planning to defy the odds… live past my prognosis of a few years & achieve great things.

Here are links to the paintings you could win & a little about each artist.. 

Anna’s painting

Ken’s painting

Marie’s painting

Tickets are just $5 each. You can either grab a raffle ticket in person from me, my sister or select other Relbotic helpers, or you can PayPal it to relly11@hotmail.com (You do need a Paypal account yourself to do this).

If you are sending money through PayPal please send with the reference “Gawler retreat”. I will also need your contact details, so that I can reply to you with your ticket number & contact you if your ticket is drawn. So please be sure to send those along with your transfer.

If you would like to purchase a ticket by transferring money directly to me please send me a short message, including your contact details, here or at the above email address & I will get back to you with my bank details & ensure your entry is received & a ticket number is sent back to you.  

The raffle begins today & you can get a ticket up until Feb 14th, with winners announced on Friday 17th Feb.

Thanks so much in advance & good luck! ;)